Chapter Four
Jay looked at her feet. She rubbed her hands together. She looked at the cave mouth and out into the wide sky; looked up at the rocky roof, then down at her bare feet again, and wriggled her toes. They felt smooth and silky from the fine dust of the tunnel. She leant back against the wall of the cave and kicked them against the stone beneath her. Unexpectedly pushing against her back she could feel something soft and lumpy. Rather to her surprise, as she was sure she hadn't worn it into the cave at the beginning of her exploration, she found that she was wearing a pack. She took it off at once and was even more surprised to find that it wasn't the scruffy old orange and purple affair she had brought into the woods with her packed lunch in it. This pack was completely different, made of tough but soft brown leather, with wooden toggles holding it shut. In great curiosity she opened it, suddenly aware of feeling ravenous and hoping for the familiarity of chocolate to comfort her in this strange world.
Inside, in packets whose material she couldn't identify, was a hunk of bread; some weird, hard, but delicious-smelling cheese; a cake of something sweet, sticky and brown which was by no stretch of the imagination the chocolate she'd been hoping for; a few pieces of some foreign fruit; and a leather flask with a strong screwed stopper. This she opened first, and sniffed cautiously before taking an experimental sip. It seemed to be watered down wine, very weak but quite sweet. She had never been allowed wine before. Feeling very bold and rather naughty, she took a great swig, wiped her mouth and sighed in satisfaction. Then she tucked into the bread and cheese, tearing bits off as best she could and gnawing at the cheese, which was very tasty. The fruit, which didn't need peeling, was deliciously juicy. When at last her hunger was satisfied she wiped her chin on her sleeve, deciding to save the brown cake in case she was hungry later, although she couldn't believe she'd ever need to eat again.
She didn't put the cake back in the pack at once, but put it safely out of harm's way, and rolled the pack up as best she could so that she could use the pack as a headrest. Lifting her legs onto the shelf she stretched out her full length, gazed out at the blue sky and hummed a quiet tune to herself. Relaxed, well fed and contented, she lay there for a while until she felt in danger of falling asleep. All her sadness and anxiety seemed so far away. No, she definitely did not want to sleep, with a whole world to explore! Still humming, she sat up again; but as her legs swung to the ground she heard another voice in her head, deep and friendly and female, gently humming along with her. There was someone else nearby!
“Who is it?” she asked the empty air, for there was no-one to be seen.
“Don't be alarmed, Jay,” said the voice. “I'm your guide for this part of your journey.”
“However do you know my name? How do you know who I am?”
“I've always known you, Jay, and you have always known me, but not in your everyday life. I've been your constant companion since you were a tiny child.”
“What do you mean, you're my guide? Where are you?”
“I don't think I should show myself just yet,” said the disembodied voice.
“I'm not afraid,” stated Jay, with some bravado as it was not altogether true. “Please. Um, please come where I can see you. What's your name?”
“My name is Bear.”
“But no-one's called Bear! I've never heard of anyone called Bear, not even a man...” Jay paused, aware that she was in a strange world where anything might be possible. “You're... er, you're not a real bear, are you?”
“Jay, if ever there was a real Bear in this world it is and always has been me. Are you sure you're ready to meet me face to face?”
Jay didn't answer at once. The voice sounded friendly enough, but then - a bear? This certainly did not sound like a teddy bear, and she was fairly sure that there were capital letters involved in its name. What was likely to happen if she refused to have anything to do with it? Her, she hastily amended, remembering the definite female quality of the humming voice. She reminded herself that her own body was far away, curled up in the woods near her grandparents' house. That somehow settled it: if she was okay there, then what happened here must also be okay.
“Yes, I think so. But I ought to tell you I wasn't really telling the truth before. I'm sorry, but I am a bit scared.”
“Shut your eyes, little one,” said the Bear gently, “and I'll come to you.”
Jay squeezed her eyes very tightly shut. There was a soft padding sound quite close by.
“Now put out your hands.” Jay obediently and rather hesitantly stood up and held her hands out in front of her to come into contact with Bear's fur, which was long and thick. The outer layer was quite shaggy and rather harsh; but as Jay stroked the massive animal she found that there was a layer of finer, softer hair under the rough outer coat. With more confidence, she stretched out both her arms and hugged as far as she could reach. It was a wonderful feeling, like the comfort and reassurance of all the mothers and grandmothers of the world. And familiar, too: Jay now realised that she had indeed known this Bear forever. She felt a rush of pure joy, and opened her eyes as they filled with glad tears. Her face was pressed into the deep coat, and she took a deep happy breath of the rich dark smell before turning her head. The great Bear's head was turned towards her, the huge dark eyes gazing into her own. Standing on tiptoe, Jay reached up to stroke and scratch behind the nearest ear just as she would have with a dog, although she thought Bear must surely be at least as tall as a horse.
“I'm going to lie down now, so that you can get on my back,” said the deep calm voice in Jay's head.
Picking up the cake, which had luckily not been squashed, Jay opened the pack to wrap it up and put it back inside, but to her surprise she found a pair of soft leather moccasins at the top. They certainly hadn't been there before. She put the cake down, lifted the shoes out and turned them over. Their soles were thick and strong. She sat down on the ledge again and tried them on: they fitted as though they had been made for her, and didn't feel as though they would rub her feet into blisters in spite of her lack of socks. She picked the cake up again, wrapped it in its original parchment and toggled the pack shut. Swinging it onto her back she put her arms through the straps. The Bear had already lowered herself to the floor of the cave and was lying on her side, basking in the sunshine.
Jay took a good look, as there seemed to be no hurry. Bear's belly fur was the colour of honey; most of the rest of her was deepest brown, almost black, except for the front of her chest and under her chin, where the fur formed a triangle of pale golden grey whose widest part was beneath the Bear's chin. Over her shoulders there seemed to be quite a hump, and here the fur was thickest and darkest. Jay didn't look to see what sort of tail there might be. After a moment the Bear turned onto her belly, and Jay clambered onto the wide back just behind the hump, snuggling her hands and face deep into the thick fur. After a brief moment Jay sat up as straight as she could, determined not to miss a moment of whatever happened next. She trusted the Bear absolutely.
The great Bear got up carefully and ambled through the mouth of the cave. The view was wider than Jay had seen in her first startled moments: there were tall, snow-capped mountains rising above a layer of cloud in the far distance, beyond a range of hills that were themselves almost beyond sight. Jay's jaw dropped as she gazed at this new world. “Mountains!” thought Jay, “I'm seeing real mountains!”
Inside, in packets whose material she couldn't identify, was a hunk of bread; some weird, hard, but delicious-smelling cheese; a cake of something sweet, sticky and brown which was by no stretch of the imagination the chocolate she'd been hoping for; a few pieces of some foreign fruit; and a leather flask with a strong screwed stopper. This she opened first, and sniffed cautiously before taking an experimental sip. It seemed to be watered down wine, very weak but quite sweet. She had never been allowed wine before. Feeling very bold and rather naughty, she took a great swig, wiped her mouth and sighed in satisfaction. Then she tucked into the bread and cheese, tearing bits off as best she could and gnawing at the cheese, which was very tasty. The fruit, which didn't need peeling, was deliciously juicy. When at last her hunger was satisfied she wiped her chin on her sleeve, deciding to save the brown cake in case she was hungry later, although she couldn't believe she'd ever need to eat again.
She didn't put the cake back in the pack at once, but put it safely out of harm's way, and rolled the pack up as best she could so that she could use the pack as a headrest. Lifting her legs onto the shelf she stretched out her full length, gazed out at the blue sky and hummed a quiet tune to herself. Relaxed, well fed and contented, she lay there for a while until she felt in danger of falling asleep. All her sadness and anxiety seemed so far away. No, she definitely did not want to sleep, with a whole world to explore! Still humming, she sat up again; but as her legs swung to the ground she heard another voice in her head, deep and friendly and female, gently humming along with her. There was someone else nearby!
“Who is it?” she asked the empty air, for there was no-one to be seen.
“Don't be alarmed, Jay,” said the voice. “I'm your guide for this part of your journey.”
“However do you know my name? How do you know who I am?”
“I've always known you, Jay, and you have always known me, but not in your everyday life. I've been your constant companion since you were a tiny child.”
“What do you mean, you're my guide? Where are you?”
“I don't think I should show myself just yet,” said the disembodied voice.
“I'm not afraid,” stated Jay, with some bravado as it was not altogether true. “Please. Um, please come where I can see you. What's your name?”
“My name is Bear.”
“But no-one's called Bear! I've never heard of anyone called Bear, not even a man...” Jay paused, aware that she was in a strange world where anything might be possible. “You're... er, you're not a real bear, are you?”
“Jay, if ever there was a real Bear in this world it is and always has been me. Are you sure you're ready to meet me face to face?”
Jay didn't answer at once. The voice sounded friendly enough, but then - a bear? This certainly did not sound like a teddy bear, and she was fairly sure that there were capital letters involved in its name. What was likely to happen if she refused to have anything to do with it? Her, she hastily amended, remembering the definite female quality of the humming voice. She reminded herself that her own body was far away, curled up in the woods near her grandparents' house. That somehow settled it: if she was okay there, then what happened here must also be okay.
“Yes, I think so. But I ought to tell you I wasn't really telling the truth before. I'm sorry, but I am a bit scared.”
“Shut your eyes, little one,” said the Bear gently, “and I'll come to you.”
Jay squeezed her eyes very tightly shut. There was a soft padding sound quite close by.
“Now put out your hands.” Jay obediently and rather hesitantly stood up and held her hands out in front of her to come into contact with Bear's fur, which was long and thick. The outer layer was quite shaggy and rather harsh; but as Jay stroked the massive animal she found that there was a layer of finer, softer hair under the rough outer coat. With more confidence, she stretched out both her arms and hugged as far as she could reach. It was a wonderful feeling, like the comfort and reassurance of all the mothers and grandmothers of the world. And familiar, too: Jay now realised that she had indeed known this Bear forever. She felt a rush of pure joy, and opened her eyes as they filled with glad tears. Her face was pressed into the deep coat, and she took a deep happy breath of the rich dark smell before turning her head. The great Bear's head was turned towards her, the huge dark eyes gazing into her own. Standing on tiptoe, Jay reached up to stroke and scratch behind the nearest ear just as she would have with a dog, although she thought Bear must surely be at least as tall as a horse.
“I'm going to lie down now, so that you can get on my back,” said the deep calm voice in Jay's head.
Picking up the cake, which had luckily not been squashed, Jay opened the pack to wrap it up and put it back inside, but to her surprise she found a pair of soft leather moccasins at the top. They certainly hadn't been there before. She put the cake down, lifted the shoes out and turned them over. Their soles were thick and strong. She sat down on the ledge again and tried them on: they fitted as though they had been made for her, and didn't feel as though they would rub her feet into blisters in spite of her lack of socks. She picked the cake up again, wrapped it in its original parchment and toggled the pack shut. Swinging it onto her back she put her arms through the straps. The Bear had already lowered herself to the floor of the cave and was lying on her side, basking in the sunshine.
Jay took a good look, as there seemed to be no hurry. Bear's belly fur was the colour of honey; most of the rest of her was deepest brown, almost black, except for the front of her chest and under her chin, where the fur formed a triangle of pale golden grey whose widest part was beneath the Bear's chin. Over her shoulders there seemed to be quite a hump, and here the fur was thickest and darkest. Jay didn't look to see what sort of tail there might be. After a moment the Bear turned onto her belly, and Jay clambered onto the wide back just behind the hump, snuggling her hands and face deep into the thick fur. After a brief moment Jay sat up as straight as she could, determined not to miss a moment of whatever happened next. She trusted the Bear absolutely.
The great Bear got up carefully and ambled through the mouth of the cave. The view was wider than Jay had seen in her first startled moments: there were tall, snow-capped mountains rising above a layer of cloud in the far distance, beyond a range of hills that were themselves almost beyond sight. Jay's jaw dropped as she gazed at this new world. “Mountains!” thought Jay, “I'm seeing real mountains!”